Divorce is a big decision, and it is not an easy one. Divorce has lasting consequences and should be well thought out and not pursued out of anger. Deep rooted marital problems can cause severe strain and frustration and lead people to drastic measures. Before filing for divorce, we encourage you to ask yourself the following questions or work through them with your spouse to see where your true feelings lie and to ensure that divorce is the right option for your family. Many people get caught up in a swarm of emotions, never taking a moment to think it through and some end up regretting their decision. Now is the time to decide if it would be better to work on your relationship or to peaceably dissolve the marriage and move on.
As you look back over your marriage, ask yourself this: was there ever a true marriage to begin with? For some couples, they act more like two roommates living under the same roof fighting for their own best interests. Married couples on the other hand, should fight for a common cause and try to preserve the relationship. If your spouse is only interested in making sure their own needs are being met, then you may want to consider couples therapy to work on the aspects of your relationship or decide it is better to part ways.
Another important question to ask yourself is, do you still have feelings for your spouse? Deep down, if you still truly care about them and want things to work out, divorce may not be the right option for you. Many times, a spouse will threaten divorce because they are deeply bothered and frustrated with the problems within the marriage. So are they empty threats, or do you sincerely want a divorce? Threatening divorce is not the right way to get your spouse's attention, when it comes to the fate your marriage you need to make informed and mature decisions.
When considering divorce, you need to question where your true motives lie. Are you going off an emotional reaction, or have you come to a new self-realization about your marriage? All emotional hurt and negative feelings aside, do you feel divorce is right for you? Don't be mistaken in hoping that divorce will change your spouse into treating you better and making the adjustments that you want them to make. Divorce is not a means to an end, it will not resolve underlying issues within the marriage. If you are looking to change up the family dynamic, then divorce is not the right option for you.
Divorce is not a quick and easy fix either, it is important that you think about your life after divorce and the lives of your children. Will dissolving the marriage be best for everyone, will staying together be even more harmful for your children? These are things that you need to consider. If divorce is the route that you take, you can help your children cope and get through the transition process by reminding them that you will always be there no matter what and they are not at fault for the divorce.
Lastly, ask yourself if you and your spouse will be able to act peaceably and civil once the divorce is final. Will you be able to let go of past anger and bitterness and move forward with your life? It all depends on your attitude and your ability to forgive or to take responsibility. If you are able to be strong and have a good attitude, then your quality of life will be much higher after the divorce.
